I smell meat
by Stupidfic
Summary: a raptor's friend doesn't want to eat humans! whats a large lizard to do?


-1In the happy world of Jurassic Park, a raptor by the name of Rar went to go see his friend Blarg.

"Hey Blarg!" Rar shouted, "some humans just shipwreck near our crib! Let's go eat them!"

"I don't want to" Blarg sighed.

"What? You never want to eat them!"

"I'm sorry, Rar, it's just… I don't see WHY I should eat humans."

"Are you SERIOUS?"

"Come on, can't we eat a triceratops or something?"

"Man, a raptor that doesn't want to eat humans is fucked up, yo!"

Before Blarg could even reply, Rar turned and left.

-

Unsure of what's wrong with his friend, Rar decides to go visit Dr. Rah.

"Dr. Rah?" says Rar as he goes into the raptor doctor's office.

"Yes?" the doctor answers moving his chair toward his client's direction.

"I have this carnivore friend who won't eat humans, is there something wrong with him?"

"Doesn't want to eat humans, you say? Hmm, I believe he has a serious mental condition. I mean, what kind of dinosaur wouldn't want to taste human flesh?"

"I know, man! What should I do?"

"Well, try getting him to want to eat humans. It's simple, really, just send him to a place populated with humans and soon enough he'll crave for them."

"Thanks doc!"

Suddenly, the roof broke open as a T-Rex loomed overhead.

The tyrannosaurus boomed "mmm, I knew I smelled dinner in here!"

"OH SHIT!" cried Dr. Rah as the larger dinosaur went down and ate the doctor. Rar snuck out during the carnage.

-

After sneaking in the repaired boat that shipwreck on their island, Rar and Blarg were in a human city!

"Great vacation, huh?" Rar spoke to his friend while walking downtown, with people completely oblivious to the dinosaurs.

"Yeah" muttered Blarg, "did you bring me here so I would eat humans?"

"Mayyybeeeee…"

The anti-human eating raptor scoffed, then accidentally bumped into someone.

"Watch where your going, retard!" shouted the human.

"Oops, uh, sorry!" Blarg apologized.

The human looked at the raptor closely, and said "that's a real shitty costume you got there. If your trying to be a dinosaur then you failed big time."

"Huh?"

"What do you mean 'huh?' Today is Halloween, retard!"

"What's Halloween?"

"You don't know what Halloween is? OMG LOL U RETARD ROFL!"

"…so what is Halloween?"

"LMAO! UR A DUMBASS! HEY EVERYBODY, THIS GUY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HALLOWEEN IS!!!"

Many people began to laugh hysterically. Blarg started to feel uncomfortable.

"So" he said "what is so funny that I don't know what Halloween is?"

The people laughed even harder, and started throwing stuff at Blarg. He was getting rather angry, then the human he bumped into started poking him.

The human laughed "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOUR STUPID HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"

The raptor finally lost it, and ate the human's face off. People screamed, and fled when Blarg went after them.

Rar cheered "yeah! Eat those humans! Go, go, go! Whooooooooo! Hooray for Blarg! Yeah! Okay… that's enough. You can stop now. Uh, Blarg? Hello? What are doing? Oh… oh god. I think your going a little too overboard with… AHH! HOLY CRAP! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? EUAGH! EVEN I WOULDN'T DO THAT! Stop it man, stop- oooooh fuck. Oooooooh fuck fuck fuck fuck. I think I'm going to throw up now…"

-

Two hours later, Rar was reading a magazine while his friend was still on a rampage. Blarg finally came back, now soaked with blood of the prey he ate.

"I never knew humans were so tasty!" Blarg says cheerfully "we should have them more often!"

"Yeah, but I think you killed everybody in the city now" said Rar, stilling looking at his magazine.

"Don't worry, dude, I got keys to this one car and… URK!"

Rar looked up to his friend and asked "are you okay man?"

"my heart… my heart is ach- urrrrrrrg."

Blarg fell the ground. Rar went to his friend's side, but there was no pulse.

"Blarg? Blarg?! BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!"

-

_Every year, thousands of dinosaurs die from eating humans. Scientists have discovered humans are high in fat and contain hundreds of toxic chemicals. If you know someone who has an addiction to human flesh, get them help as soon as possible. Dinosaurs became extinct once, don't let it happen again!_

_**THIS FANFIC WAS PAID FOR BY THE JURASSIC HEALTH DEPARTMENT**_


End file.
